If you’re going through perimenopause, menopause or postmenopause, you might be avoiding sex because it’s uncomfortable, but here’s the irony: A new study has found that regular sex may actually help relieve those very symptoms. New research confirms that staying sexually active may reduce vulvar pain, dryness, and irritation – some of the very symptoms that cause many women to avoid sex in the first place. It’s a frustrating catch-22: when sex hurts, you’re less likely to want it… but avoiding it may make the symptoms worse.
The good news? You’re not stuck in that loop. If you’re feeling less desire, more discomfort, or wondering where your libido went, you’re far from alone-50–70% of menopausal women experience painful sex. But that doesn’t mean you have to suffer in silence.
Sex during menopause doesn’t have to be painful. With the right tools, habits, and natural support, you can break the cycle, ease your symptoms, and reconnect with pleasure. Let’s dive into what’s happening to your body-and the empowering, non-hormonal solutions that can help you feel good again.
Why Sex Hurts During Menopause
The Science Behind the Discomfort
If sex feels like sandpaper or you’re avoiding it altogether, blame biology – not your body. The drop in estrogen during menopause causes more than just hot flashes and mood swings. For many women, it leads to vaginal dryness, thinning of vaginal tissues, pelvic floor dysfunction (muscles become too tight or too weak) and nerve sensitivity due to lower blood flow – all of which can make sex feel painful, irritating, or even impossible.
And it’s not just physical. Emotional changes like anxiety, stress, and a dip in confidence can make your body tense up, further contributing to discomfort. If you’ve ever braced yourself during sex instead of relaxing into it, you know exactly what I mean.
The takeaway? Sex during menopause is impacted by both body and mind but both are treatable. And no, you don’t need hormones or prescriptions to get relief.
Natural Ways to Enhance Pleasure
Even the best tools work better when paired with healthy daily habits. Here are some powerful, natural ways to support better sex during menopause:
Lube Is Non-Negotiable
When estrogen dips during menopause, vaginal tissues become thinner, less elastic, and produce less natural lubrication. That’s where a quality, body-safe lubricant becomes a game-changer.
For mild to moderate dryness, choose a water-based lubrican with added moisturizers, ideally fragrance-and alcohol free. For severe dryness, painful sex, and longer-lasting glide, choose a hypoallergenic, silicone-based lubricant for lasting glide without irritation. Make sure it’s free from glycerin, parabens, and harsh chemicals that can cause irritation in sensitive menopausal tissues.
Pro tip: We love the Good Clean Love Almost Naked water-based lube ($12.09) and the Uberlube silicone-based lube ($32.00), ranked as the top silicon-based lube by Women’s Health.
Kegels for the Win (and other Pelvic Floor Care Solutions)
Just 5 minutes of pelvic floor exercises a day can boost circulation, improve sensation, and help prevent leaks. If you’re looking for solutions that go beyond “just use lube,” these tech-forward (and totally non-invasive) options can make a real difference.
1. Red Light Therapy for Tissue Repair
Joylux vFit | $400
This device, which Halle Berry swears by, uses gentle red light to stimulate collagen, improve blood flow, and support moisture in your intimate tissues. Think of it as a “facial” for your vagina-without the awkward spa visit.
Just 10–15 minutes a day can help restore comfort and elasticity, making sex during menopause feel natural again. I started using mine every other morning while sipping coffee and scrolling Instagram. It’s weirdly empowering.
2. For You: Pelvic Floor Power-Ups
Perifit Care+ | $179
If you’re looking for more bang for your buck,Perifit Care+ is a smart Kegel trainer that turns your pelvic workouts into a game (literally). Just insert, connect to the app, and control video games with your muscles.
If you’re dealing with dryness, tightness, or just want to feel more in control, Perifit can be a helpful tool for strengthening your pelvic floor. It turns a typically overlooked part of your wellness routine into something engaging and effective-because taking care of your pelvic health doesn’t have to be boring.
3. Vaginal Dilators for Gentle Reconditioning
Bodyotics Pelvic Floor Muscle Dilator Set | $45.90
If sex feels like hitting a wall, dilators are your new best friend. These medical-grade silicone tools work by gently stretching the vaginal canal over time, restoring comfort and flexibility at your pace.
It’s like physical therapy for intimacy-gradual, consistent, and incredibly effective. You’re in control the whole time, which helps rebuild trust with your own body. Pro tip: Pair it with lube and use while watching TV-consistency is key!
4. Pelvic Wand for Muscle Relaxation
IntimateRose Hot/Cold Pelvic Wand | $49.99
Tension in the pelvic floor is a huge, hidden culprit in menopausal pain. This wand gives you the ability to target tight spots, soothe inflammation, and relax muscles with heat or cold therapy.
I personally love using the warm setting on low-stress days and the cold one after long hours at my desk. Either way, it feels like a little act of self-love.
5. For Couples: Wearables to Ease Pressure
Sex during menopause isn’t just about your comfort-it’s about connection, too. Menopause is no walk in the park-but at least now, he gets to do the heavy lifting. These wearables are designed to ease discomfort and put him in charge – in a good way. After all, menopause is a team sport (check out our comprehensive guide to supporting your partner during menopause)
Ohnut Depth-Limiting Rings | $70.00
Ohnut is a soft, adjustable buffer worn by your partner to control penetration depth-so you can stay relaxed and in the moment.
Tor2 | $69.76
LELO Tor2 is a vibrating pleasure ring designed to increase sensation for both partners, adding extra stimulation and connection.
Eat for Intimacy
Foods rich in Omega-3s (such as flaxseed and salmon), hydrating fruits and veggies, and phytoestrogens (like soy and lentils) help balance your body naturally.
Pro tip: And yes, drink your water-dry tissues are less elastic.
Mindfulness & Sensual Awareness
Stress kills libido. Learning how to tune back into your body with breathwork, meditation, or a device like Muse 2 (a brain-sensing headband that helps you chill out) can be a game-changer. I was shocked at how much more relaxed-and open-I felt after five days of just five minutes of breathing practice. Sometimes, the biggest shift is mental.
Pro tip: Use the muse 2 guided meditation headband with real-time feedback.
Communication is Key
If you’ve been gritting your teeth through painful sex and hoping your partner doesn’t notice-stop. A short, honest conversation can spark so much understanding.
Let them know what’s changed and what you’d like to try. Share your excitement about using something like the Ohnut Depth-Limiting Rings – it might surprise you how eager they are to help.
Pro tip: Say what hurts, try “Let’s go Slower” or “This angle feels better”
“Start Tonight” Action Plan
Your Step-by-Step Roadmap
If this all feels overwhelming, start simple. Pick one product + one natural fix to start:
- Example 1: Use the vFit + apply lube before bed.
- Example 2: Try the pelvic wand + 5 minutes of deep breathing.
And most importantly: give yourself grace. Pleasure after menopause is a journey-not a race.
Pro tip: Schedule sex for when your energy is highest (for many women: morning > late-night exhaustion).
Pain isn’t inevitable. You have more options than ever before. From red light therapy and wearable intimacy aids to breathwork and diet-there are countless ways to make sex during menopause feel good again. Your future self (and your partner) will thank you.
Ready to feel good again?
Explore our full collection of menopause intimacy solutions and start reclaiming your pleasure today.